How I Became Willing to Go to Any Lengths to Overcome My Lust and Sex Addiction
On pages 206-207 in the “White Book” of Sexaholics Anonymous, there is a lengthy quote from the Alcoholics Anonymous “Big Book,” titled "From Chapter Five Of Alcoholics Anonymous." Those pages end with a listing of the Twelve Steps. But in introducing the reader to the Steps, the book first says this:
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas, and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
There is an important "if... then" statement in that first paragraph that jumps out at me every time I read it.
"If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain Steps."
For me, there was no positive virtue within myself that brought me to the point that I really wanted what sober Sexaholics Anonymous members had, and that I was ready to go to any length to get it. I reached that conclusion because constantly living in the lie of my lust, sexual addiction and sexual acting out had become too painful for me to bear. I had reached the tipping point where the lust drug was causing more pain than pleasure. I wanted out of the mess I had made, but I had clearly proven that I could not do it on my own, or do it my own way.
I could not stand being me anymore
I needed what someone else had. I needed freedom, but I couldn't break free. What I wanted was what my sponsor and other recovering sexaholics had, and I was finally willing to go to any lengths to get it. I was finally ready to trust a sponsor and take those Twelve Steps just as he had. I let go of my old ideas, and--as fearlessly and thoroughly as I could--I worked those "certain Steps." And by doing that I was brought into a right relationship with God, Who can and who will keep me sober. And today I have been sexually sober since 2009.