I wanted to stop my self-destructive thinking and behaviour
And until I wanted to stop, nothing happened.
Many Sexaholics Anonymous groups read "What Is A Sexaholic And What Is Sexual Sobriety" at the beginning of each meeting (Sexaholics Anonymous “White Book,” pg 202). This is what we read almost every week, as follows:
This will and should discourage many inquirers who admit to sexual obsession or compulsion but who simply want to control and enjoy it, much as the alcoholic would like to control and enjoy drinking. Until we had been driven to the point of despair, until we really wanted to stop but could not, we did not give ourselves to this program of recovery. Sexaholics Anonymous is for those who know they have no other option but to stop, and their own enlightened self-interest must tell them this.
This reading has been a huge help to me. That one paragraph is so packed full of truth about me as a sexholic! Having these basic concepts drilled into my head has been quite helpful to me:
Until I had been driven to the point of despair.....
I became motivated to become sexually sober because I had despaired of being in bondage to lust and sexual acting out.
Until I really wanted to stop but could not .....
That despair led me to a desire to stop lusting, because lusting always led to acting out, and acting out would always lead to yet more despair. The circle had become complete. I was in a prison of my own making. I was motivated to stop, but just like the paragraph says, I found that even when I wanted to stop, I was unable to do so. More despair!
I Found Sexual Sobriety by Working The Twelve Steps of Sexaholics Anonymous
Then, finally, I gave myself to the SA program of recovery. Having finally been sufficiently motivated by my powerlessness and despair, my enlightened self-interest kicked in, and I was finally willing to actually get a Sexaholics Anonymous sponsor and to work the Twelve Steps of the SA program with him.
Here's the thing that keeps on amazing me. Just like I was, there are many people who show up at meetings but don’t actually follow the program of recovery that SA offers as the only solution to our common problem of sexaholism. (There really must be some sort of common insanity in us sexaholics!) What finally worked for me was to give up my own ideas of how to get sober and instead simply ask for an SA sponsor to tell me how to work the Twelve Steps of Sexaholics Anonymous the way he had done it. And when I surrendered to doing that, I stopped acting out and started to stay sober instead--as God did for me what I could not do for myself.