I Didn't Have To Understand In Order To Recover
A few weeks back I was meeting with a sponsee and reviewing the section in the Sexaholics Anonymous “White Book” entitled "The Spiritual Basis of Addiction" (SA, p. 45-58). I personally find this section quite helpful to remind me that I got myself into my addictive mess, so I cannot blame anyone else for it. But I've also come to understand that just because I got myself into something, that does not necessarily mean that I can get myself out of it.
I really like how the last paragraph in that section on page 58 reads:
You don't have to understand any of this to recover. If it has parted the veil of obscurity and misinformation cloaking our condition for only a brief glimpse inside, it will have served its purpose. It should also help those of us in recovery to understand the radical nature of the change of heart and character that must continue if we are to live sober, joyous, and free.
I love that! "You don't have to understand any of this to recover." After I just read this long explanation of the whole spiritual basis of my addiction (the "why" of it), then they tell me I don't need to understand any of it to recover! That puts a big grin on my face!
Sexaholics Anonymous Enables Me To Live Sober, Happy and Free
What I did need was to simply stop trying to do the whole recovery thing myself. I needed to fully accept that I am a sexaholic, and regardless of what insight and knowledge I might acquire as the the reason for my sex addiction, I will remain a sexaholic for the rest of my life (Step One). What I needed was a Power greater than myself (and smarter too!), Who could restore me to sanity (Step Two). I also needed to make a decision to turn my will and life over to the care of God (Step Three), and in doing so, make a commitment to work the rest of the Steps as well, under the direction of a sponsor who was showing me how to work the SA program of recovery.
To this day, I don't know the "why" of how it all works. It doesn't matter. I didn't need to know the "why" of recovery. I needed to know the "what" (the Power) and the "how" (the Sexaholics Anonymous Twelve Steps, as my sponsor told me do them). And that has allowed me to live "sober, joyous, and free" one day at a time.