Hope For a Truly Sexually Sober Life
I'm in a good spiritual place these days and on my way to a truly sexually sober life. But six years ago, before joining Sexaholics Anonymous, I was not in such a good place. I could not find peace…or when I did, I found peace boring. I dreamed of silence and serenity, but I did not know how to get them.
Two years ago I was overwhelmed with joy to see some of the fruits of my SA recovery: gratitude and the ability to enjoy serenity and peace.
This year it's different again, with further progress towards the truly sexually sober life. Thanks to working this Twelve Step program of recovery with my Sexaholics Anonymous sponsor, I have come to see that work and achievements are just another way for my ego to escape from intimacy with my Higher Power. Being in place of solitude and silence, I am confronted with Step Twelve:
“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to sexaholics, and to practice these principles steps in all our affairs” (Sexaholics Anonymous, p. 208).
I'm praying for the willingness to surrender my ambitions and pride to the God of my understanding.
Recently, my sponsor asked me to work my Step Two again. This time, I am willing to let go of some old ideas about God. My old God wanted me to perform, to be good, to be busy. I notice how often I’m driven by the guilt of “doing nothing useful.” Today I did un-useful things (sitting, reading, and walking), and I enjoyed it.
Thanks to so many of my fellows in Sexaholics Anonymous, who have shown me that the SA program insists on me enjoying life and accepting the things I cannot change (like my body complaints, and wanting to be superman).
It seems the story of my recovery isn’t finished yet, but I hope to have a truly sober life, one day at a time.