When I joined SA, I gave my sexuality--including sexual relations with my wife--to God. Today I know that each time I have sex--if ever again--it is a gift from from my Higher Power. So, as a result of working the Twelve Steps, sex has become optional for me. Today, if I want to have sex with my wife, I am to ask her a direct question: "Would you like to have sex with me?" (no seductive behaviour or flirting--a just clear and sober mind!), and I am ready for any answer she gives me. I will respect her response. If I have a problem with a "no" answer, that means there is something that I want to "get repaired" by having sex. Any suggesting, flirting, or laughing about sex I consider as a manipulation to get what I want, and that is egotistical and dishonest. Sexaholics Anonymous has taught me to be honest and loving, so I must stop manipulating the woman I love and to whom I am married. And that works perfectly! What is very important here: my wife is working her Steps 100%.