Step One: Stirring Up the Mud

When I started working the Steps, especially Step One, my sponsor asked me to write e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g explicitly. While doing this, I had lustful dreams and my sleep was disturbed. But today I compare this to having a glass of water with a layer of sand on the bottom of the glass. When the glass had been still for some time, the sand stayed on the bottom and the water on top looked clear. But as soon as I held the glass under a tap, all of of the water became muddy again. This re-occurred until all of the sand was out of the glass, and there was only clear water.

The clear water that ran into the glass was like the air and light that flow into my soul by completing the First Step process. The stirring up of the muddy water caused disturbed sleep, sexual dreams, and the heightening of fantasies. But I learned that this is normal, and it is part of the process.  

What helped me in this process is that,  when I was overcome by  “muddy water,” I was to bookend by making lots of phone calls in order to cast out the stirred-up mud, or to text, attend meetings, read, pray, and get enough sleep… as well as  laughing and enjoying a good meal or walk with friends. God bless.