Staying Sexually Sober in Sexaholics Anonymous

Yesterday evening, before my Sexaholics Anonymous home meeting, someone asked why he couldn't stay sober, and the following came to my mind:

As the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous says on page 44, "To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face." This made me realize that, to stay sexually sober in Sexhalhoics Anonymous, from day one I had (and still have) only one day at a time.

I have to live on a spiritual basis strong enough to stay sober. This meant for me, in my first 1.5 years:

✔ I called 7-15 people daily

✔I  called my sponsor in the US each day

✔ I attended 3-6 meetings weekly

✔ I read every day at least two pages in our Sexaholics Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous literature

✔ I prayed everyday for at least 15-20 minutes to my Higher Power

✔ I went yearly to 6-8 SA conventions or workshops

✔ I did daily service for SA, on average 2 to 3 hours and sometimes much more

✔ I went to Nashville for 90 days and attended 240 meetings in those 90 days

✔ I worked Steps Zero through Eight in these three months

✔ I followed the suggestions of my sponsor as if my life depended on it (it still does!!)

✔ I started the meetings that I needed

I had to stop being catered to, and to instead take the actions necessary for my recovery myself.  I had to come out of the child and victim roles and take full responsibility for the things I needed to do. Instead of asking people to call me, I called them. Sometimes I would call up to ten fellows in a row until I got someone on the phone.

To end, I quote a few other passages out of the Big Book, which all point in one and the same direction:

xvi: "... in order to save himself he must carry this message to another sexaholic."

xix: Sexaholics have to hang together or die separately.

13-14: Belief in the power of God, plus enough willingness, honesty, and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things were the essential requirements.

14: For if an alcoholic fails to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he cannot survive the certain trials and low spots ahead.

15: I soon found that when all other measures failed, work with another sexaholic would save the day.

23: The main problem of the sexaholic centers in his mind

25: If you are as seriously sexaholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: one was to go to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help.

42: I knew from that moment that I had a sexaholic mind. I saw that willpower and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots

58: Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program

58: If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps

58: Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and *the result was nil until we let go absolutely*

59: Half measures availed us nothing

62: So our troubles we think are basically of our own making. ... Above everything, we sexaholics must get rid of this selfishness. We must or it kills us!

75: He should realize that we are engaged upon a life-and-death errand

83: The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it!

85: It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for lust is a subtle foe. We are not cured of sexaholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Everyday's a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all our activities.

90: Let his family or a friend ask him if he wants to quit for good and if he would go to any extreme to do so.