The Sexaholics Anonymous literature reminds me that it is not enough to be sexually sober.
"If we are content with ourselves, simply minus the compulsion, there can be no recovery. Recovery is more than mere sobriety" (Sexaholics Anonymous--also known as “the White Book”--page 87).
But I must be sexually sober or I won't have recovery from lust, pornography and other compulsive behaviours.
However, as the White Book says,
"Everything begins with sobriety. Without sobriety, there is no program of recovery. But without reversing the deadly traits that underlie our addiction, there is no positive and lasting sobriety” (SA, page 77).
This would seem to be a paradox, but is there no way to get either sobriety or recovery if I don't have them already? And is it particularly true of me, because I already have come to believe and have admitted that I am powerless over lust? I can't do this program alone, but that formula has left out the most important intervening factor: God. My responsibility in the formula is not so much working hard to not give in to my obsessions and compulsions so that I can stay sober and then progress in recovery. My responsibility is to connect with my Higher Power, Who can and will keep me sober, as I turn my will and life over to Him.
God Can Keep Me Sexually Sober If I am Rightly Related to Him
Surrendering to God is a decision that I am capable of making in the heat of the moment--right when I am looking for some way to turn off my brain, which is desperately trying to find some form of the lust drug to get me high once again. I might not be able to turn off my brain, but I can go to God in conscious contact (that is, in prayer), and humbly ask Him to receive from me the temptations and obsessions that I cannot handle. I can then ask Him what His will is for me in the moment, and then I do that instead of facing the temptation on my own.
In the book “Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions,” there is a great paragraph at the end of Step Three:
"Our whole trouble had been the misuse of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God’s intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of AA‘s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opens the door” (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 40).
Working the Steps gets me rightly related with God, and then God can and will keep me sexually sober. At least that's what has been working for me.
--Sober since 2009