I changed sponsors a week ago. I finally found the courage to call my previous sponsor and let him know that I've asked someone else to sponsor me. This was difficult for me. I'm very "needy" (codependent?), and I was worried about how he might feel--wondering if he would feel hurt--and I could not think sanely. But that is okay. I'm committed to take my sponsor’s suggestions as orders, but I get to choose my sponsor.
The most important thing for me is to have an available sponsor with whom I can work spiritually and continue to grow. For a lust addict like me, the maintenance and growth of my spiritual condition is the only thing that will keep me sober and alive. So no sponsor is not an option. I’m grateful for SA sponsorship, because my head sometimes tries to convince me that my disease is right, and then slowly lust becomes an option for me, and eventually that will lead to acting out in my lust addiction.
But anyway, this was hard for me to do. I am grateful for a sober friend who helped me see the positive part: If I am doing something difficult, then I must be recovering. My sponsor is important to me. It's a close relationship. My situation turned out to be a mutual process; it did not need to be a goodbye, but just a bit less frequent contact. This hurt a bit, but without drama, and today everything is okay. I'm glad that he took it well, I thanked him and he thanked me. And I pray that we do keep in touch as friends, without me focussing on how he might feel. I also pray that I may develop a close, beneficial relationship with my new sponsor.
Meanwhile, following is a gratitude list to my previous sponsor:
- Gave me a about 36 hours of his life during our 5-8 minute talks for the past two years and three months.
- Guided me through sober dating and marriage in sobriety
- Invited me over to his house and family
- Introduced me to a lot of sober members with whom I am now in contact
- Kept me close to my Higher Power
- Helped me get close to my religion, even though he is in a different religion
- Was honest with me. He shared his weaknesses and powerlessness with me
- Guided me through Steps Nine through Twelve
- Held me tight when I stumbled and was caught by lust, and he didn't sugar coat things, and he put me right on the spot. This saved my life a few times
- Is now a close friend of mine!
Thank you all for reading this and for trudging the road of happy destiny with me!