Meet a sex addicted woman: a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend. Here is her story of freedom
What does it mean to be free of lust?
For me, to be free of lust means many things. It means being able to be present, living life on life’s terms, not objectifying myself or those around me, seeing the humanity in people, being other-centered and unselfish, feeling compassion for others, accomplishing things, not wasting time, and being sensitive to others--as well as many other things.
Was there a time when you weren't living in this freedom? What was that like?
I didn’t always live free from lust. I felt like a wall separated me from those around me--and especially from my loved ones. I had little capacity to connect with others on a deep level. I was afraid of letting people in, of being vulnerable and putting my needs out to others to be there for me. I was incapable of giving and receiving love. I also found had trouble maintaining friendships. I felt little compassion for my husband, and felt that I was better than him. I was a true love cripple hiding in my shell. I wanted men to lust after me, and everyone else’s husbands seemed better than mine. I fantasized about what it would be like to be married to those that attracted me. I was sexually selfish and focused only on my own pleasure.
How did you finally experience freedom?
My freedom came from the moment that I admitted to myself, God, and others that I was a sexaholic and that I had been for many years. Surrendering my lust was not easy, as it was an ingrained habit. I remember walking down the street and realizing that I habitually checked out every driver on the street, making eye contact and see if anyone was lusting after me. I prayed and looked down on the floor as I walked. I suddenly realized me how much lust had operated in my life without me even noticing or being aware of it. I had to stop flirting with men and justifying my flirting, and I had to avoid my triggers and being sensitive to what I exposed myself to.
How did SA members help you in your journey to freedom?
My healing and freedom from lust could not have happened without my Sexaholics Anonymous sponsor and my fellows in the program. The ability to connect with other SA members has been an exhilarating experience. In SA, I feel like I have came home. My fellow sexaholics understood me as a sex addicted woman when they heard of my deepest and most shameful struggles. Talking to these members broke the shame of sexuality that I had carried with me for many years. Also, sitting with men in meetings helped me start to see them as human beings with feelings and struggles. Through Sexaholics Anonymous, I have learned to connect emotionally with men without objectifying myself or them. This was a crucial part of my recovery.
What would you like to say to another sex addicted woman in our SA fellowship?
I love spending time with my sisters in recovery and truly connect. We enjoy each other’s company in a non-superficial way. The more real and honest we become, the deeper the healing and freedom from lust will be. I love all of my fellow sexaholics who have traveled this journey with me toward peace and serenity.
(Sex addicted woman sober in SA since 2012)