That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear
When I was a teenager a friend and I went out to the desert to shoot rabbits, not for food but for “fun.” I did it to feel powerful, as in my life I felt I had no power over anything. This need to feel powerful was greater than the need to do the right thing, and I carried the guilt of killing those rabbits as I worked through the Steps.
For my 9th Step, my sponsor directed me to make an indirect amends, and I mailed a letter to the local Humane Society describing what I had done and included a cash donation. Two weeks later I received a thank-you card and letter from the director of the Humane Society letting me know my donation went to a fund used to treat animals that would otherwise go untreated for lack of resources. The director also hoped that letting me know this would help me forgive myself for my past actions. “Right the wrongs” was not a platitude. I could be forgiven, and I could accept forgiveness.
…it is by forgiving that one is forgiven…