Sometimes I just have to restart my day
Yesterday I was babysitting my nephew and we were playing a video game. He made a mistake, and then he clicked the "restart" button. He said "sometimes you just have to restart." This made me smile to myself, because it reminded me of something I have often heard in my Sexaholics Anonymous fellowship meetings: "At any point during the day, you can begin your day anew." At any point during the day, I can emotionally and spiritually hit the "restart" button--and that's good news for me.
A couple of days ago I was participating in a sports competition and I was struggling. Because things were not going well for me, I began to get angry. This is a character defect of mine, or a symptom of several defects (pride, selfishness, and envy). I knew that I needed to let go of the anger and laugh at myself, but I chose not to. I could have cut it off early on, but after awhile I was too far gone.
What I learned is that by remaining angry I robbed myself of many things. I robbed myself of peace and serenity. I also robbed myself of the joy that I can experience by participating with the right attitude. I also robbed my opponent of the respect he deserves. And I robbed myself of creative problem-solving during the competition. I was blocked by my own anger. I still have many character defects.
Sexaholics Anonymous Teaches Me That Don’t Have to Be Perfect
Today I was able to laugh at myself over it; about how childish I can be at times. I am not perfect (far from it), and my Sexaholics Anonymous sponsor often reminds me of this. I have worked the SA Twelve Steps over this. But the good news today is that I don't have to be perfect. Still, I must be very careful about anger, because "for us [addicts], anger is a luxury we cannot afford" (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 66).
God, save me from anger. Next time, I hope to be more mindful, more aware, more prayerful, and more humble.