Responsibility in Recovery
I have learned that my recovery is my responsibility. I was sitting in an open S-Anon meeting with my wife one night when I heard her say, "His sobriety is none of my business.” I wasn't sure how to take that. Part of me was relieved but another part of me wanted her to be more concerned. Another time she said, "I don't trust him; I trust God." Now that one really threw me through a loop. My ego wants her to be all up on my disease, but my recovering heart is beginning to realize that she is her own person and that my recovery is my responsibility, NOT hers.
My wife and I talk about our recoveries and what we are learning. We go to meetings together and we carry the message of recovery together--but we take our troubles to our sponsors. I follow the suggestions of the Sexaholics Anonymous “White Book” regarding “'disclosure” (See Sexaholice Anonymous page 3, in the paragraph entitled “A Caution.” In fact, I consider it traumatic for my wife and abusive of me to dump my junk on her. That mess happened plenty of times during my acting out days, and it still happens now because I'm still learning and growing.
Life is Wonderful When I Follow the Program of Sexaholics Anonymous
Another thing that I've learned from SA is that I cannot make anyone trust me. I can only live a trustworthy life (one day at a time), and let others decide for themselves. My actions must speak much louder than my words.
And finally, I have very little trouble disclosing my issues when I am working my SA program. If I am living in the "Fourth dimension” (“Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 25), understanding that "God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free” (BB page 133), and realizing “that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves" (BB page 84), then alI I have to disclose is that life is wonderful. The fruits of my SA program are better than I could have ever imagined. Lust has nothing to offer me when I roll with what I have learned from the fellowship of Sexaholics Anonymous.