Below is a draft of one project being undertaken by the SA Literature Committee. This is a work-in-progress and not a final version. Please contact us if you'd like to be put in touch with SA's Literature Committee.
All materials are copyright © 2012-15 by Sexaholics Anonymous. All rights reserved
Those of us who have been around SA for any length of time usually are familiar with a special type of meeting known as the "Check Meeting". A check meeting is a gathering of sober SA members who get together to help a member who is experiencing difficulty in the program. It is an opportunity for the struggling member to listen, reflect, and hopefully to get back on track with the program. Many of us have profited from being the focus of check meetings that were called to help us, and we have also profited from being part of check meetings that were focused on helping another member.
Need: A sponsee could have a problem that does not readily yield to the sponsor’s efforts or that is outside the sponsor’s knowledge or recovery experience or ability to deal with it. In such cases, there can be great wisdom and breakthrough by bringing the issue to a small, select group of trusted members, together, under a Higher Power of our understanding.
Example: A member who is a minister has been sexually involved with members of his congregation and calls a check meeting for guidance on how to make amends to these persons, because such amends might injure others. The man’s sponsor suggests the minister call a check meeting.
Example: A sponsor can be blind to a problem. “I was sponsoring a close personal friend. He was having an affair with a person out of state to whom he frequently sent money. He had promised to stop seeing her and stop sending her money. He told me of a serious problem she was having and her need for some money. Since he had promised not to send her money and to stop contacting her, he suggested that I send her the money instead. In the moment, I agreed. At the suggestion of another of my sponsees, however, I shared this decision with my wife. She looked at me and said, are you crazy? I realized she was right. Taking this to a check meeting helped resolve the issue.”
Other Examples: A member can’t get or remain sober or is a habitual slipper. A member discovers he’s over his head in debt and doesn’t know what to do. Another member does not know how to cope with his wife’s response to his decision to go into sexual abstinence. His sponsor is single and has never had to face that problem. Other members seek help with tough problems such as fear, wet dreams, dating . . .
How it works [suggested format]:
- The sponsor asks four to six SA members with good sobriety to attend
- The meeting lasts from 30 minutes to an hour
- An SA member who is not the sponsor chairs the meeting, which usually takes place outside the regular meeting.
- Begin with a prayer for guidance.
- Let the person know we love and care. That is why we are there.
- The sponsor presents the issue
- The sponsee adds his or her comments
- We ask questions and listen to the person’s answers. Some suggested questions:
- Do you want sobriety and recovery for yourself?
- Why did you come to SA?
- Detail your SA program: such as: daily Step work and number of meetings per week?
- How often do you meet with your sponsor?
- What solutions have you tried to resolve the issue at hand?
- What do you think is going to happen to change your situation?
- Members share their experience, as appropriate.
- What we do not do:
- We do not criticize or pass judgment. We simply play back what we hear, what comes through between the lines.
- We do not give advice. We listen to the person, speak from our own experience of sobriety and recovery in the program, and challenge the person to identify from their own experience what has brought them here and what they hope to change.
- We do not take responsibility for the other person's life or decisions. We are simply a sounding board.
- We do not carry the person. We carry the program to the person.
- We speak as we would like to be spoken to.
- The sponsor gives any final comments.
- The sponsee gives any final comments.
- We end with a prayer.
- The sponsor and sponsee meet and agree to a plan of further action.
The Twelve Steps of Sexaholics Anonymous
- We admitted we were powerless over lust – that our lives had become unmanageable.
- Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
- Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
- Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
- Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
- Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
- Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
- Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
- Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
- Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
- Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
- Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to sexaholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
The Twelve Steps and Traditions are adapted with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. ("AAWS"). Permission to adapt and reprint the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions does not mean that AAWS has approved the contents of this publication, nor that AAWS agrees with the views expressed herein.
AA is a program of recovery from alcoholism only. Use of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions in connection with programs that are patterned after AA, but
which address other problems, or in any other non-AA context, does not imply otherwise.
If you think you may have problems with sex or lust addiction, we invite you to join us at an SA meeting. Look for Sexaholics Anonymous in your local phone directory, call SA International Central Office toll free (in the USA) at 866-424-8777, or visit our web site at http://www.sa.org. Online meetings and remote contacts are also available.
Additional copies of this pamphlet and a literature list can be ordered from:
P.O. Box 3565
Brentwood, TN 37024-3565
I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of SA always to be there. And for that: I am responsible.
Copyright © 2012 by Sexaholics Anonymous. All rights reserved