Resentment - the number one offender
Someone mentioned that a "long-term sober" member of Sexaholics Anonymous had acted out due to resentment toward a spouse. I can relate to that, because my sexual sobriety date is the day after I last acted out due to resentment toward my spouse.
The “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous has plenty to say about resentment, especially: “Resentment is the number one offender. It destroy more [sexaholics] than anything else” (BB page 64). I believe that is true from my own experience with resentment. Resentment is toxic for me, and it will usually take me back to acting out sexually if I do not surrender it to God.
Sexaholics Anonymous Helps Me to Overcome Sexual Acting Out
Fortunately, working the Twelve Steps of the Sexaholics Anonymous program has allowed me to directly confront my resentments. Working my Step Four inventories on my resentments forced me to look at them honestly, instead of lying to myself about how I deserved to be resentful. Admitting those resentments (Step Five), becoming willing to be rid of them (Step Six), and then humbly asking God to remove my resentments (Step Seven) were all part of the my recovery process. Then, listing the people that I needed to make amends to for my resentment (Step Eight), and then making those amends (Step Nine) all helped me to clear away the wreckage of my past and unload the weight of all my wrongs.
The SA Twelve Steps work if I work them. The Steps keep me connected rightly with God and others. And when that happens, resentments simply don't have the opportunity to grow and fester into a negative force that will drive me back to acting out. Instead, I can be set free from the bondage of resentments, just as I can be free--one day at a time--of lusting and sexualy acting out.