Being just another run-of-the-mill sexaholic, one of the hallmarks of my sexaholism is isolation. I consider isolation more that just shyness or introversion or just not liking to be around people. For me isolation is an attitude, just like Iust is an attitude (Sexaholics Anonymous, pg 40). Isolation is the default approach I take toward the rest of the world. The attitude is made of fear, abandonment, shame, and loneliness. I'm powerless over this attitude of isolation in myself and in other sexaholics.
In my SA recovery, I have discovered that fellowship is the antidote for isolation. That sounds simple, but I had to work the Twelve Steps and take positive action in order to make spiritual progress toward real connection. I dislike committees, so that's why I have participated in my local intergroup for the past six years. By doing so I take action that is contrary to my negative attitude.
I’m also learning to ask questions and listen to others. I am beginning to realize that other people can actually teach me valuable lessons. One of my favorite questions is to ask people what spiritual books they are reading.
Recently I was introduced to another tool for recovering from isolation. It is called "self-care." I know that's a dangerous concept for an addict, but for me it was time to give it a try. Part of my isolation is letting other people trample on me or run roughshod over me, and then I fume with resentment toward them. It was time for me to look at the nature of my wrong and become willing to have that part of me removed.
Unfortunately self care became "self care run riot” for me. I was “self-willing” self-care all over the place-- and then other people began to retaliate. Then I became constantly disturbed. My version of self-care was not leading me to serenity.
I talked to a friend about this matter, and he challenged me to consider the possibility that self-care had become another addiction for me; perhaps a form of workaholism. And there you have it. Another stab at me managing and controlling my life. But I won't be beating myself up over this today. It's how I make spiritual progress.
Just for today I will live in the knowledge that the Spirit of the Universe knows exactly what I need and the Spirit of the Universe know exactly what It needs from me. I surrender my "self care run riot." I rest in God Care today.