I'm not perfect and today I'm just fine with that
I heard another Sexaholics Anonymous member share about dropping a necklace down the sink drain, his anger at himself for the error, and his resulting desire to medicate by sexually acting out. Wow. This share reminded me of myself. I have always been a perfectionist. When I fail at something--even in a tiny way--I want to beat myself up about it, hate myself for days, and feel like a failure. I cannot accept any praise for the part of the work that I’ve done well. Before SA recovery, my “best” way to feel better about myself was to find a way to get lost in lust and sexual behaviors. This problem might even be at the core of my disease.
But the SA Twelve Steps have taught me a different way. As a real-time example this past week, I accidentally backed my car into our RV parked in the driveway. I scraped up the rear bumper of the car and the side of the RV. Both of them now need minor repair, mostly buffing out the scrapes. A moment of my inattention will lead to a couple of hours of work on my part (or alternatively about $1000 of work by a body shop).
My Old Not Perfect Reaction
I am a terrible person for having damaged my car and my RV. Why didn’t I pay more attention? Now I’m faced with a lot of extra work for that moment of wrong! I hate myself. I resent that I had to have the RV parked in the driveway, in my way. I look for anything or anyone else I can blame for the incident, such as my wife for not getting things out of the RV quickly enough. Life is terrible. I must go act out.
My Current Recovery Reaction
Life really does include incidents like this. I am not perfect, and that’s okay. My job is to do what God puts in front of me to the best of my (real) ability. He is responsible for the results. When bad things happen, I simply deal with them. I am not a terrible person for having caused these things. Instead, I see this as an opportunity for practicing humility, and for reminding myself that I am simply human, part of the human race. Then I plan how to fix the problem that I have caused. After that I feel okay with myself and don’t have to go act out.
Sexaholics Anonymous Has Taught Me to Accept My Limitations
Working Step Four in with my Sexaholics Anonymous sponsor helped me a lot to gain this attitude. Looking honestly at my lifelong resentments (and identifying what I had done to initiate them), helped me realize and accept my own limitations.
--SA member sober since 2014