I desperately wanted to play God
It took me a seriously long time to finally get so demoralized that I "gave up, let go, and let God.” Before finding the Sexaholics Anonymous program, I desperately wanted to play God. I was living in the delusion that I needed to be in control, and that all I needed was a little help from God periodically when something was tough for me. Then I would go back to being in control again. God would be a handy extra boost when I needed Him, but most often I was hoping to be the one running my own life.
But that has been one of the unforeseen benefits of being a sexaholic. I have this continuous, built-in reminder that I am not in control. In SA I learned that I am powerless over lust and that my life has become unmanageable (SA Step One). I needed a new Manager. I needed a real Higher Power (StepTwo). I needed a real God, because without God, I would be lost in my helplessness, beaten by lust and by my long list of character defects.
Sexaholics Anonymous Has Given Me A New Way of Living
Working the Twelve Steps of the Sexaholics Anonymous program was the beginning of real spiritual progress (not perfection) for me in stopping my trying to play God. While working SA Steps Four, Five, and Six, my sponsor showed me just how much I was making myself or other people my god. It seemed that I did that all the time! But the Sexaholics Anonymous program has given me a new way of living. SA has given me sexual sobriety, and more than that, I have a way of living that allows me to continue to make progress in letting God be God. And one of the ways I remind myself every day that I am not God is to begin the day in prayer with the simple statement, "You are God, and I am not god."