The Many Miracles of Sexholics Anonymous
I have experienced many miracles in my life, and the miracles continue to flow in. I know deep inside that I am a sexaholic, and that I will always be a sexaholic. Without my loving Higher Power, I am a complete failure. But just for today, when I commit to help my fellows in Sexaholics Anonymous and practice surrender and humility, God sends me many gifts. He has open doors for me--things that I could only have dreamed of in my past life. I want to share those miracles with you all, because I have been told that “I can't keep it unless I give it away."
I’ve been dating a woman for two months now, and it things have been going really well. Just last week I told her about my sex addiction as well as my same-sex lust. I had the support of all my fellows in Sexaholics Anonymous, including my sponsor, as well as God as I understand Him. The disclosure was difficult, good, hard, and confusing! It was not easy. But today our friendship is in much better shape. She is digesting things. She asks questions. She shares these things with her close friends and she even consults with a therapist from her past. We are trying to make the relationship work, one day at a time. Just for today.
I'm doing my part. I’m becoming more comfortable in a relationship. I’m beginning to understand what it means to have another person in my life. One day at a time, I share my life with her. I think about her and not just myself. Knowing and accepting that she is interested in me, I plan my week with her. I’m amazed that she wants to be with me at all. She thinks I'm a man, and that I'm funny. She says that I'm cute (and I’m no longer insulted to be called cute!).
I have also experienced miracles in the sexual aspect. I cannot explain it, but--after many years of only same-sex lust--now that I'm sober, I feel attracted to her emotionally as well as physically. I feel that I have something to give her, that I am a man next to her. Sometimes it's okay to feel insecure or unsuccessful. We are equal but different, and we are together. It is really exciting! I feel like a 13 year-old-boy who has fallen in love for the first time. And while that may sound childish, I do not care For me it's a new, unique, and exciting experience, and it has been especially unexpected and unbelievable. I feel that I am a miracle of Sexaholics Anonymous, and a miracle of the God of my understanding.
All of us in SA are proof that God exists. He is involved with all of us humans. He is compassionate and loving, and He takes care of each of us personally. But without the fellowship of Sexaholics Anonymous, none of this would have happened to me. My service to the fellowship of SA for the last two and a half years has paid off, every second, and tenfold. Thank You God for SA!