Marriage and Sexaholics Anonymous

Three weeks ago, I got married and moved from Belgium to Spain to live with my wife. I had many fears about this transition, but I can see today that the reality is quite different from the fears that my mind had tried to impose on me. The reality today, by the grace of my Higher Power, is very exciting and joyful. So far, things have been very different from whatever I experienced in former relationships, when I was in my active disease of sexaholism.

My wife and I are both sex addicts, and we manage to talk and be vulnerable about things that need to be discussed. We ask for help from other sex addicts.  We do our best to be mindful of each other, and to live and let live. My current challenges are to be less codependent at times, and to express boundaries that I need in our way of touching throughout the day. I need to not feel guilty that my wife always cooks (she enjoys it, and I was taking a Spanish course the last few weeks, and I start a teacher training tomorrow). I need to not stress myself but enjoy and relax in this one-month intensive day-school teacher training. I need to let my wife have her moods (she puts up with mine!). I need to understand that we have many differences. Through all of these new situations, the best thing I can do is to find new ways to put my Higher Power and my program in the first place in my life. And I could not have experienced any of this without the fellowship Sexaholics Anonymous,

Yesterday I and my wife went to a wedding. I did a bit of service there and also managed to dance with my wife quite a bit. This is something I'd prefer not to do, but she loves it. Today we were at my mom's 60th birthday party and I did service there, too. Things went well, but there were strong triggers at both of these events. I shared several times. Then tonight, when all was over, I started having powerful lust temptations, memories of people from yesterday and a desire to think about them and lust. I shared this with others but the temptation still remained in my head. Then I produced the book Sexaholics Anonymous and started reading the chapter “Overcoming Lust and Temptation.” By the end of point five (on page 158), I felt relief. I'm grateful today for the text and for my sponsor, who had me read the whole chapter twice a day when he started working with me. I'd known the text already, but reading it twice a day showed me how helpful it is for me, and it also helped me to practice those points and to use the prayers.

I'm also extremely grateful for being able to attend family gatherings and other events in sobriety. Before SA I either indulged in lust or fought to stay sober, which didn't work. It's a real miracle today that I can stay sexually sober, have a fairly good time, and even be helpful. And all of this is without the guilt that I always lived with in the past. None of this would happen without Sexaholics Anonymous. I’m Grateful for God, for the programme, and for you all the other members of SA.