Sexaholics Anonymous Teaches Me to Surrender My Sexual Lust

I cannot fight lust - I can only surrender it.

Surrender--that is one of those hundred thousand dollar words that I have learned through Sexaholics Anonymous recovery.  For me, surrender is a result of doing Step work; it is not something that I can do on my own.  Following are some of my thoughts and experiences related to serenity today:

1.  It is more important that I stop managing things than that I stop fighting lust.  I never was any good   at fighting, but I was one heck of a great manager (or so I thought anyway).  As the Alcoholics Anonymous “Big Book” says “is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well?” (pg 61).  In order to get what I thought I wanted, I had to surrender all the ways I tried exploiting myself and managing others.

2. I had to surrender the delusion that I know what I need.  I've learned that being grateful for what I have is much healthier that trying to get what I think I need.   

3.  I surrender my "right" to anything.  I surrender the delusion that I have any rights in the first place.  I don't have the "right” to Iust.  Who would ever give me that right?  I have a delusion that I can Iust like other people; that is, without life-threatening consequences.  I think that lust is a "right!"  There is no such things as surrender in the abstract.   I must share and surrender the Iust I experience in a very specific manner, to God, to myself, and to another human being.  

However, I try not to let the fact that I still experience lust take me by surprise or fill me with shame.  Shame is useless.  If I identify today as a sexaholic, then by definition I will at times experience lust. Otherwise I could not have progressive victory over lust. When I am tempted to lust is when I need to surrender. I don't fight, I don't manage--I simply surrender.  

Surrender is one of those spiritual terms that I can go on and on about.  Most of all for me today I offer myself to God. My sponsor says, I don't surrender, I “volunteer.”  When I wake up in the mornings my prayer is, "Hi God, I can't wait to see what You have in store for me today. What can I do to be of service to you and others,  especially those who are suffering? "

How I surrender to recovery today             Desperate enough to surrender     I can choose who to surrender to..