One way that I find myself still engaging in lust is to say something--anything--that might be flattering to a woman. I might say something about a woman’s hair, or her earrings, or clothing, or perfume. Other times I will complement what a woman has done well, when my motives are unclear.
Today, because of Sexaholics Anonymous, I’m better than I used to be, but not as good as I’m gonna get--God willing. Before SA I would do this flattering behavior every day, with almost any woman I could. I was selling beds and mattresses in a store, and I would make insincere and lust-driven compliments to any colleague I could, and would try to seduce students who were half my age. I am ashamed now when I think of how disgusting and threatened they might have felt by my comments. Slowly, I have moved away from this behavior. Instead of doing this every day, I have gone two or three weeks before I forget and say and something inappropriate to a woman.
The last time I did this was a week ago at the end of a very intensive teacher training. Ten of us co-trainees went to drink something in a bar (non-alcoholic in my case). At a certain moment, I made a complement to one young colleague. She is probably about 23, whilst I am 48. She responded by saying before the whole group that "if you were 60 years younger that complement might have been appropriate but it feels off now." Now that was a blow to my ego--but a blow which helped me to see clearly how inappropriate, unchaste, and unfaithful my behavior has been. That is why I have made the effort to write it out here. And so I bring it to the light.