Humility was a lesson I needed to learn
The “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous tells me at the beginning of Chapter Three:
We [sexaholics] are men and women who have lost our ability to control our [lusting]. We know that no real [sexaholic] ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals--usually brief--were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.
And the Chapter ends with this serious conclusion:
Once more: The [sexaholic] at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink [of lust]. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.
I was talking with another member at our local SA meeting tonight about how the Twelve Step program is a spiritual program. As addicts, we have experienced failure time and again to stay sober while we were trying to maintain sobriety in our own efforts and power. We lacked the necessary humility to fall on our knees and surrender our wills and lives to a loving God who could and would keep us sober. At the time, we both had fancied ourselves to be spiritually minded, but either there was something terribly wrong with our God, or there was something terribly wrong with what we believed about that God.
Surrendering My Will to God Keeps Me Sexually Sober
I had to come to believe in a God Who could be trusted to be loving and forgiving and willing to do for me what I could not do for myself. If I did not t trust that God, then I would not turn my will and life over to His care. And without a "Higher Power,” I was doomed in my weakness and would never find freedom from the bondage I had put myself under. I was hopeless and despairing, something that AA calls a "pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization."
Learning humility through humiliation
And that humiliation and pain produced just enough humility in me to surrender to God and beg for freedom. And God could and would--and He did! Working the Steps the way I was told taught me how to connect rightly with that God, a God who has all power, including power over my lust.