I Have Found Freedom from the Compulsions of Sex Addiction
At our local face-to-face Sexaholics Anonymous meeting, we read aloud sections from approved SA literature and Alcoholics Anonymous literature for three of our four monthly meetings. In my estimation, reading together from the literature during our group time is one of the greatest use of our time. Hearing the literature helps me to have hope for freedom and the truth continues to sink into my mind and heart.
One of the greatest hopes in recovery for me has been the realized hope for freedom from lust. I say "greatest" because I did not believe that it was possible for me to have freedom from the obsessions and compulsions of my addiction. As as a sexaholic, I am powerless over lust, so what hope could I have to find healing? As I sat SA in meetings in the earlier years, the majority of us were still showing up week after week to report on our latest acting out episodes. I was definitely part of the majority. The majority clearly had no hope for freedom. But there it was in the literature:
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. (AA, page 83)
We discovered that we could stop, that not feeding the hunger did not kill us, that sex was indeed optional. There was hope for freedom, and we began to feel alive. (SA, The Solution, page 204)
And eventually that freedom became the experience of many of us in our group. I now know that I struggled at at first because I still wanted to play with lust, but not have to suffer the consequences of it. I wanted to be free from lust's power, but still depend on my own power to win the battle. I wanted God's help, but I still wanted to avoid turning my will and life over to Him. I wanted to be rid of my habit, but still be able to keep the rest of my life running on my terms. However,
If we want the old life intact, simply minus the habit, we don't really want healing for our sickness is the old way of life.(SA, Step Twelve, page 143)
Immersing myself in the SA literature, going to meetings, and working the Twelve Steps as my sponsor told me to do them was the key to beginning to have hope for freedom over my lust. And that hope has been realized! Today, God gives me freedom from lust and the obsessions and compulsions of my addiction, one day at a time. It is true. It will happen. But it comes at a price, a price I now wondered why I ever questioned it.