Hidden Lust

Hidden Bottles

I heard a story told by an alcoholic who owned a big chicken farm. The man sobered up and sold the farm, but every so often he'd see the new owners, and they would inform him that they had found another bottle of liquor hidden somewhere on the farm.  They'd have a good laugh and go on about their day.    

I realized this weekend that I also  have hidden "bottles" of lust.  But instead of being hidden around a chicken farm, my bottles are hidden inside of me.  They emerge now and again as I go through my Sexaholics Anonymous recovery journey.  

Hidden Pockets Of Lust

Sometimes these lust pockets surface as dreams in the night. Sometimes I'm reminded of a past event or a particular way of acting act.  This weekend it was celebrity lust.  I saw a rather famous person at a public event, and I was convinced she was staring at me the same way I was staring at her.  It might be that something emerges while listening to another member in a meeting or even working with someone outside of the SA  fellowship.

I have recently been given a new attitude about these occurrences.  Instead of feeling shame or being drawn to act out over these events, I try to just accept them as reminders that I am a sexaholic, and that part of my illness has been to hide stashes of lust so that I would not run out. I’ve heard a local SA oldtimer talk a lot about a beautiful prayer:  “Thank you God for reminding me that I am a sexaholic  and that I need a Higher Power to guide me in my recovery.”

Grateful To God for My Sexaholics Anonymous Recovery

Shame is useless--but acting out on unexpected and unwelcomed lust will kill me.  If that chicken farmer can laugh about his hidden bottles, then I can learn to accept my hidden "bottles" also, because--through the fellowship of Sexaholics Anonymous--today I am being restored to sanity.  Nor do I have to open those bottles and drink.  My sponsor has told me the key to recovery is getting "unthirsty." Thank God that I'm just not thirsty today for Iust.  I'm thirsty today for the Spirit of the Universe: a loving God as expressed in our SA recovery.

Celebrating One Year Sober from Lust and Porn