This Christmas I Am Grateful for the Fellowship of Sexaholics Anonymous
As a member of the Sexaholic Anonymous fellowship, I once heard an Alcoholics Anonymous member tell a story about having a bad morning. He said that he woke up sober, but was irritated with life. As he got ready for the day, it seemed that every little thing was being obstructive. His toothpaste tube was empty; he nicked himself shaving; the shower suddenly went hot and cold. Each thing added to his irritation, and his life was as unmanageable as it could ever be. As he finally started putting on his shoes, a shoelace broke. In sudden rage, he flung the shoe at the wall with a resounding crash. Grabbing another pair of shoes, he finished dressing and stormed out of the house. The day continued in this way and, by lunchtime, he had simply had enough. Someone offered him a drink at lunch, and he gave in to it.
Three days later, when he came down from his addict binge, he could not even remember all that he had done--but he knew it had been bad. He returned to a meeting of his fellowship, and another member asked him, “For heaven’s sake, whatever made you think you could drink again?” And all the AA member could think to answer in justification was: “I broke a shoelace."
Not being able to explain is normal for us; it’s part of what it means to be an addict. I really had no rational reason for me in my sexual acting out, so there really could not be any explanation. People who expect an addict to have a reason simply does not understand addiction; they are trying to apply “normal” thinking to an addict.
The only solution I knew to stay sexually sober was to find a spiritual experience that changed me, so that I can live sober without getting irritated at life; and so I can be sober, happy, and free. The Twelve Steps of Sexahoics Anonymous Steps are the path I took to find that sexual freedom.
So today is Christmas. I still have a wife, after all I did to shove her away. We have a nice house to live in. I have a relationship with my kids and grandkids and other family members. I have friends. These are all marvelous things to have, and any transitory irritation is only something to take me away from my gratitude. And because of the fellowship of Sexaholics Anonymous, I choose to remember gratitude today.