A member just reminded me that "Each one of us has come to grips with life"... and it is so true. That's why we cannot give advice to each other (except in the sponsorship relationship); instead we share our experience, strength, and hope with each other. I love that in Sexaholics Anonymous, we lead with our weaknesses and we bring the inside out--because the more I hear vulnerability in others, the more I am able to identify. I am a broken human being, yet I have tried my whole life to act like non-addicts. In Sexaholics Anonymous, I can be an orange between oranges, instead of trying to be an apple. And even in SA, every orange is unique, different, and precious. What works for one might be detrimental to another, and vice versa.
I am grateful for the inspired genius of the founder of Sexaholics Anonymous, who added a Step in the “White Book” (Sexaholics Anonymous) entitled “Step Zero,” which includes the following:
"We participated in the Fellowship of the Program" (White Book p63).
"We cannot put this strongly enough: Experience has shown us that we must be part of others or we cannot maintain effective surrender, see ourselves right, or work the Steps." (WB 64).
"Lust only yields to the slow patient working of the program in the context of others who are doing the same."(WB 57)
Step Zero talks about attending meetings, making phone calls, reading our literature, having check-in partners, making friends in the fellowship, being a sponsor, doing service, etc.
Without participating in the fellowship of the program, I am lost. I am back to my old devices, my own "best thinking.” Even my own best thinking about the Sexaholics Anonymous program or inspirations from my Higher Power must be double-checked continuously, as is written in the book “Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.”
I am also grateful to have a Solution today that helps me in dealing with difficulties in my marriage. Following are some of the things that have worked for me:
- I have called another trustworthy married member, vomited my pains and listened to his experience, strength and hope.
- I have prayed to my Higher Power; prayers like: "Please help me, please bear this for me."
- I have prayed the Resentment Prayers out of the Big Book for my wife: "God, help me to realise that she is a spiritually sick person, just like me. Help me to show her the same compassion, patience, and and pity I would cheerfully grant a sick friend. Save me from being angry with her, and show me how I can help her."
- I sometimes visualise taking the cotton out of my ears and putting in in my mouth, so that I can shut up and listen instead of react compulsively.
- I ask for a "Safe Environment Talk": we use this tool like a mini-meeting, starting with a prayer, then sharing without getting interrupted, taking turns again and again until we feel the air has been cleansed out of any misunderstandings, resentments, painful feelings,... and we are finished.
Thank God for Sexaholics Anonymous!