The Fellowship of Sexaholics Anonymous Has Taught Me That God Loves Me
Playing God has been a problem for me, so for me, working Sexaholics Anonymous Step Three (“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him”) has been an exercise in defining the roles of who is God and who is the sexaholic. I always had a problem with clarity, but I could see that Step Three is an agreement between me and my Higher Power. I sign the contract and my Higher Power fills in all the terms. That’s the best deal I ever made.
Before I came to Sexholics Anonymous, I had a problem of judging the Spirit of the Universe. I wanted to believe that the Father of light had human character defects, but I have learned through SA that God does not have human character defects. I cannot fully understand deity based on human terms, but there is a fundamental idea of “Good Orderly Direction” deep down inside of me, and that is enough for me today.
I once heard an SA old timer say, "God is not something to be understood; God is something to be experienced.” I don't understand my Creator but that doesn't matter one bit. All I know is that I was making a huge mess of my life before I came to SA, and I was certainly not cooperating with the Spirit of Universe. But today I try to cooperate with the Creator, and that means living by spiritual principles that have worked for humans for a long time. We call them the Twelve Steps.
I stopped using social media seven years ago, and I have surrendered other common cultural activities. I love honky tonks (we have lots of them were I live) but I don't go to those places because they stir up the sex addict in me. instead of viewing that as sexaholic lockdown, I view it as freedom.
Through Sexaholics Anonymous I find that my true passions in life have nothing to do with what other people think would make me happy. What I have learned from Sexaholics is that God that loves me.