Free From Lust

Meet an SA woman:  A daughter. A sister.  A friend. A sex addict. Here's how she became free from lust.

What does it mean to be free of lust?

Being free from lust means clarity to me. I have clarity in all aspects of my life today. I can be present be in moment. I can see myself realistically. I am not better than or less than anyone else. I can see others as human beings. Because of Sexaholics Anonymous, I am no longer self-centered, thinking only of myself. I am connected to my Higher Power, and when I pray, I can let Him guide me. I can admit that I am powerless and that I need His help. I cannot be lust-free on my own; I need my Higher Power and others  help as well. But in SA, I am restored to sanity and clarity.

Was there a time when you weren't living in this freedom? What was that like?

When I do not surrender my lust,  am living in the chaos of my mind. I am not connected to the present moment, to other people, or to God. I am isolated in my mind. I cannot concentrate. Lust becomes my identity and my God. I put unrealistic expectations on the man I am with, and expect him to be perfect and live up to my unrealistic expectations. Lust also creates self-hatred and shame. When I’m lusting, I feel like I am defined by this addiction.

How did you finally become free from lust?

Working the Twelve Steps of Sexaholics Anonymous with my sponsor. Participating in face-to-face meetings and phone meetings. Reaching out to the other women in the SA program. At first I thought I was terminally unique, but now I realize that it does not matter what form my acting out was. We Sexaholics have more similarities than differences. Writing also helps me see my situation more clearly. I have worked Steps One through Three on the man I am lusting after. I pray for the man I am lusting after. I ask God to help relieve me of the lust and see that man as a human being rather than an object.

How did SA members help you in your journey to freedom?

In mixed meetings I realize that the men are not so different from the women. We all have the same addiction. I can talk to the men and not lust after them, and I can see them as brothers. I also post my struggles to online SA groups and I get support from others when I am struggling. I call and email other women. We cannot do this program of recovery alone. I call my SA sponsor on a daily basis. When I meet a female newcomer I call her and reach out. I call women in the program on a daily basis.

What message would you give to SA women you meet in meetings or at conventions?

Please do not give up, even if you relapse. You are not alone; other women have been where you are. You are not defined by this addiction. You are a woman of worth. We all deserve happiness and freedom. Let’s take each other’s hand and not isolate. We are sisters who need each other.

Sober since November 2010

Is SA for Women too?     About the EMER Support for Women Committee    Sex Addiction - No differnt for Women