When I Surrender My Sexual Lust to God, I Can Be Free of It
I’ve learned from my fellow Sexaholics Anonymous members that fighting lust does not work. I can only stay sexually sober when I realize that I am powerlessness over lust. Then, when I realise that I’m powerless, I can surrender my lust to God.
Somewhere along the process of developing my sex addiction, I must have crossed over some invisible line that resulted in my powerlessness over lust. I say it that way because it seems that there are "normal" people I know who can entertain lust (and the temptations of lust) without going any further with it. I'm not one of those people. I identify fully with and admit without reservation that I am a sexaholic, so the Sexaholics Anonymous Step One--”I am powerless over lust and my life has become unmanageable”--is true for me.
The SA White Book says this about me:
This will and should discourage many inquirers who admit to sexual obsession or compulsion but who simply want to control and enjoy it, much as the alcoholic would like to control and enjoy drinking. Until we had been driven to the point of despair, until we really wanted to stop but could not, we did not give ourselves to this program of recovery. Sexaholics Anonymous is for those who know they have no other option but to stop, and their own enlightened self-interest must tell them this (SA “White Book,” page 202)
Out of control. In despair. Wanting to stop. Unable to stop. Powerless. That was me.
Today I know that when it comes to a sexual temptation, I cannot fight it or battle it. I have already lost that fight. And it is only my sick delusional thinking that sometimes surfaces to try to tell me that "now I can handle it." Fortunately, I spent enough time listening to that voice in the past to recognize it for what it is today. I no longer allow myself to entertain lust. Enough sanity has returned to remind me that would be complete and utter foolishness.
So for me, and apparently for the other sexaholics represented in the Sexaholics Anonymous “White Book,” there is only one option: stop the compulsion by surrendering lust. I don't fight, I don't battle, and I don't struggle with lust.
The Sexaholics Anonymous program of recovery uses God's power, not mine. My part in the equation is to choose to turn my will and life over to God when I am tempted to lust. That concept is wrapped up in a single word: surrender. Again, the White Book says it as clearly as it can be said:
In summary, for us surrender is the change in attitude of the inner person that makes life possible. It is the great beginning, the insignia and watchword of our program. And no amount of knowledge about surrender can make it a fact until we simply give up, let go, and let God. When we surrender our "freedom," we become truly free. (SA, p.81)