Is sexaholism a fatal disease? Do I really believe that? Or is it just some kind of allegorical “spiritual death”? The answer to that is clear for me. My forms of acting out sexually included bondage and other extreme forms. The last time I met with another person to act out, I was made physically helpless, and that person was physically restricting my breathing. At the time, it was so risky that I felt it was one of the most exciting things that I had ever done. Afterwards, I was aghast. People die that way in sordid front-page sidebar incidents.
So yes, I am convinced that my disease would have resulted in my death within a few months. That’s why I came to Sexaholics Anonymous with much desperation.
Sexaholism is a Fatal Disease
But I have observed that some others in SA deny the fatality of our disease. My case might be rather extreme, but I have listened to many members who seem also to have a death wish. Here are some of the ways that sexaholics die in our disease:
- AIDS and other sexually-transmitted diseases
- Jealous husbands and/or wives
- Distracted driving accidents
- Poor judgment (clouded by lust) in risky physical situations
- Suicide driven by the emotional pain of our conflicted lives
- Self-exposure to dangerous criminals
…and many more
Believing that sexaholism is NOT a fatal disease minimizes the reality of it. This unbelief allows me to avoid doing the painful and necessary work of the Sexaholics Anonymous program, hoping that I’ll get better. Believing that MY actions aren’t as severe as what others might have done avoids the truth of “yet."
There was a point in my life at which my only forms of sexual acting out were pornography and masturbation, but the disease of sexaolism is progressive, and eventually those “innocuous” forms led me to the danger point.
I must be convinced--and remain convinced--that this is a fatal disease. Anything less lets me start again down this dangerous road.