My suffering comes from wanting to be treated special in order to feel normal. The irony is that I suffer in not wanting to suffer. I want to be treated special (not having to suffer) so that I can feel normal (comfortable). So I resist being human, because being human is about having to go through some tough stuff.
Because of my disease of sex and lust addiction, I sometimes obsess over things and I put all my focus on the negatives (not suffering, not feeling uncomfortable, etc.), so that I am always on high alert and hyper aware of any disturbance in the force. By the end of the day, I'm exhausted.
But through SA, I have found that I experience much less suffering if I just to take life one day at a time. And in that one day, I have to take baby steps. I'm 54 and going to university to get my undergraduate degree, something almost everyone here in the USA gets when they are 22. I won't graduate until I'm 60 because I can only take one course a semester. That does not matter to me. What matters to me is experiencing the joy of living with all its ups and downs. I'm slowly learning Spanish and it is hard as heck. I get frustrated, but I refuse to volunteer to be a victim anymore. There is a popular writer (who, by the way, is a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous) who wrote the following words for one of his characters: "get busy living or get busy dying."
Of course, I say all this because the number one thing for me today is to stay sober and help others to achieve sexual sobriety. Without sobriety--and, more importantly, without recovery--I have nothing!