Experiencing the impossible as it happens

I'm a lust addict - a sexaholic. One of my most frequent forms of acting out was masturbation. It was impossible for me to stop. I had lost the power of choice when it came to acting out in that way. But today, I haven't masturbated in more than five years and that is simply impossible! This is why I'm in Sexaholics Anonymous - a programme of recovery for those who need to experience the impossible. 

If all I wanted was a "design it yourself programme", SA would be the last place I'd go. These people not only told me that masturbating was acting out, they even put "progressive victory over lust" into the sobriety definition and "a desire to stop lusting" into the requirements for membership. That's crazy! Who can give up lusting?

I really don't like it when people call Sexaholics Anonymous "a self-help programme."  That's a ridiculous description.  My "self-help" was more lusting, more masturbating and more of other forms of acting out. Left to take care of myself, to help myself, that's what I came up with as a solution to all my problems. And then I found that my "solution" was causing more problems than the problems I tried to use it to solve. And then I tried to stop. And then I couldn't stop. And eventually after years and years of proving to myself that there was no way to stop, I gave up trying to stop. And I also gave up on God, because He wasn't doing anything about it, if He was there at all.

Not masturbationg was impossible - no doubt about that. I would never argue with someone who told me it was impossible for them to stop masturbating. That was my experience as well, so I'm sure it's true for others, but my story doesn't end there.

By now it should be clear that I needed a Solution that came from outside of myself. I needed a Power greater than lust and greater than me. I needed God to do for me what I could not do for myself. But apparently God wasn't very interested in serving as my court jester while I sat on the throne of my life and told him how I wanted things to be run. Nope. When I finally admitted my complete defeat by lust, when I finally surrendered unconditionally to God, then, at that moment, and in all subsequent moments when that same thing happens yet again, the impossible does happen!

I can't explain exactly how it works. I suppose if I could completely explain it, then I'd be God. But since I'm not (and I've proved that over and over again), I just surrender yet again and trust Him to take care of lust and take care of me. 

That's been my experience with the impossible. God just does it anyway.