Why I would not want my sexaholism removed

I did not find sobriety and recovery without the full acceptance of myself as a sexaholic. I sometimes say that when I finally "embraced" being a sexaholic, I could finally "come to believe that I was powerless over lust", really powerless, not just weak, not just struggling. Powerless.

And when it was finally accepted in my mind, heart, and soul that I was a powerless sexaholic, then the only option left to me (other than to just continue in my lust and insanity) was to unconditionally surrender, surrender my lust, my will and my life to God.

Working the Steps of this program does not give me the strength to fight lust. If that was the promised result, then the programme has failed because I am still powerless over lust. Instead, what the programme has done for me is to bring me into right relationship with God and others through a "spiritual awakening" and allowed me to accept life on life's terms (accept reality) instead of having to live in the fantasy world of my own making.

At this point in my recovery I can see no good resulting from a miraculous removal of my sexaholism. If it were somehow instantaneously removed, I would no longer have the "built-in" reminder that God is God, and I am not. I can imagine it would only be a short while before I was back trying to run the world myself. Being a sexaholic means I am reminded many times every day that when I am in charge of my life, it comes to no good. And I also have many built-in "triggers" every day that remind me to connect with God in prayer. Are these not gifts?

I still have no power over lust. But I do have the amazing gift of sobriety and freedom from bondage to lust by the graciousness of God.