Think the lust drink through

SA old-timers have told me to "think the drink through" - that sometimes when I'm tempted, I should play out (in a non-triggering way) my lust getting what it wants, and then the reality of the consequences, such as losing sobriety, and if the woman is married all the complications that would come with that, my eventual waning interest and ending up lonely again.

Yesterday I was lusting after someone, and later that night, I decided to do the ultimate "think the drink through" and extend the thing into eternity, removing absolutely the restriction of reality.

I imagined that I'd died (painlessly) and arrived in heaven.  The angel in charge said he was happy to inform me that in all ages previous, God had only been a temporary throne-warmer in anxious anticipation of my death, when I would assume my rightful role.  God has stepped down, and it turns out that I am now god.  Lucky me.

The first thing I do is uncreate every other man (and lesbianism). That eliminates all competition.  Then I gather before me every woman who ever lived.

I'm hoisted up in a golden chair by some of the weightlifter women and usheretted through the crowd, and the sea of women unanimously crowns me "Coolest Dude," even all the ones who disregarded me or disliked me in life.  (Not my sisters, etc., this is a fantasy, I haven't worked out all the details yet.)

After several centuries a small shadow falls across Paradise.  I realize there aren't nearly enough women.  So I create hordes more, gazillions.  Eons later, it's still not enough.  There simply is no high enough number for me, even an infinite number.

Then I create the Perfect Woman, a woman always eternally being remade and changing to correspond to my every whim.  And after some time, I'm still unsatisfied.  I'm processing my feelings in this fantasy and I'm unsatisfied.

It seems to me that as a male, my being is based on giving.  Maybe that's not maleness, but a quality of being a human being.  And I simply can not be satisfied in a scenario of eternal taking.  Lust is love going in the wrong direction, taking from another to our mutual destruction instead of my sacrificing for the ultimate good of us both, especially her.