There's no 'I' in 'team' or 'SA'

From the time I was a kid I never liked teams.  I didn't want to lose because some teammate screwed up.  If I played my part perfectly, but my teammate dropped the ball, why should I lose because of him?  Or what if I messed up, and now a bunch of people hate me for making them lose?

Also, if I'm the primary factor in helping a team win, the credit will be spread out among a bunch of others.  So by all logic it was better to have the credit and control of winning or losing solo.  

I did play baseball for a while.  The coach told me, "There's no 'I' in 'team'".  So I found a game with an 'I' in it - "tennis" - and switched sports.  

I went to a co-ed championship and was beaten by a girl (she was really good) in the first game in straight sets.  Hey, at least I lost all by myself with no one helping.

I took the same lone cowboy approach to addressing my addiction.  And it actually worked.  When I was 22, I beat the addiction.  I had been acting out since I was 15, and 7 years later, I beat it - me and God - when I made a vow to stop with His help.  For four months, I was completely free of lust.  No temptations.  There was only one problem.  Life stunk without it.

When I started acting out again, it was because I wanted to.  It felt so good to go back to acting out - and if I can put it this way - it felt right.  It was like coming home again.

Six years later, in a shambles, I became willing to be part of a team and joined SA.  I found three others at my local SA group, and assembled my team.  We "group sponsored" each other and used a non-SA workbook through the steps.  One by one, the other guys fell away.  It was my old fear.  I was going to fail because these guys weren't willing to work with me. 

The truth was, I was only willing to be part of a team if I was the coach.  It was when I gave that role over to a sponsor that I started winning.

Some people try the "God is my coach, I don't need others" approach.  God may be the coach, but where is the team?  To me, sobriety is not a solo sport.  I can't be one guy playing all the positions, especially against a team with a perfect record against me like the Lust City All-Stars.  Today, when it comes to my addiction, I see my Higher Power as the manager, my sponsor and other advisors as the coaches, and other SAs as the team.

It's harder being part of a team.  There's no 'I' in 'team' or in SA.  No one gives their full name in SA unless they're named Anna Nimity. It feels better to win than to lose against lust, even if it means playing on a team.