I made a serious suicide attempt in my disease. After 32 hours someone got suspicious and broke into my house. In and out of consciousness, I was taken by ambulance into intensive care. I was paralysed down my left side. My physical recovery took 3 months.
Had I died, my suicide would have crowned my already selfish life with an act of supreme selfishness. It would not have "solved" anything. It would just have made everything else much, much worse.
Today I know that recovery is available to every one of us. Today I am in real life at last, whereas my years of obsession with suicide were just a self-fulfilling delusion. I thought I was seeing the world as it was, when in fact I was just seeing my own screwed-up view of it.
If your acting out has brought you to thoughts of suicide, talk about it to an SA member straight away.