I used to wonder how I could ever live sober since acting against my feelings would be fake. I thought myself authentic because I hurt inside and didn't want to be "peppy" like all the other fakes. So I walked around giving surly looks to people.
The dictionary says a "hypocrite" is "a person who affects virtues or qualities he or she does not have." I thought it horrible when my sponsor said, "Fake it till you make it." How long could I fake being "pure" when inside the real me was seething with lust?
The problem was mistaking what the real me actually was. I took the feelings and defects that had come to dominate my life as the real me and the kind-hearted me as false. I'd let weeds overrun the garden and started pulling up the roses as imposters.
When I started praying for people in the program I disliked, false as it seemed, I started making friends with them, and then it came to me, "Oh yea, I actually am an open-minded, friendly person. I'd just forgotten." When I surrender the feelings that hurt me and others, and take contrary actions, it's not repressing the real me, it's expressing the real me.
Before, I didn't believe I was a sex addict, but acted like one. Now I call myself a sex addict but don't act like one. It's a hypocrisy I can live with.