Resentments are the Big L

My sponsor would say "Resentments are the Big L", over and over again and I never really got it. The White Book told me that resentment = the big lust connection but I never really got it. I kinda just accepted the resentment-lust connection as time went on....without ever truly getting it....

Last week, when I was inventorying my reaction to a situation, I finally saw the connection.  Inside I have a reservoir of resentment and rage, which can be triggered unconsciously (or consciously) by someone and then boom - look out, the fire starts burning everything - with or without my consent - usually without. So I am powerless over resentments. 

A long time ago, before I started to act out, my resentment and my lust fused. So now, my resentment triggers my lust because they are one and the same for me. I see now that, when I get off the Big L drug, resentment comes forth in waves - splashing and burning. 

So if I resent and try and stay off the Big L - is almost impossible as they are so linked. If I resent, it's just a matter of time before I go back to lust to treat the resentment - like it did a long long time ago.