One of my big character defects is perfectionism.  It has manifested in many ways over the years.  As a result of my most recent slip, I have been granted a great spiritual insight – perfectionism drives my addictive self.  The thing is, though, I was being perfectionistic with the program!  Here are some examples of what I mean:

  • With respect to the SA sobriety definition – I have to keep it perfectly, or I’m a failure
  • When I see someone attracted to, I can’t look again, and I question whether looking at their feet means I looked again – again, not perfect
  • When I try to express myself here – I have to say things just right – perfectly 

When I think like that, I'm missing to whole point. Working the programme really doesn’t go well when I’m perfectionistic about how I work my programme  I'm learning that God wants me to have a real relationship with Him, and then He will help me.  “He can and will if He is sought”, we say. Often, rather than seeking Him, I just want to seek to alleviate my lust.