Tonight I'm in a city for a certain conference that is well known for lust. This is a tough trip for me so far. I feel most challenged in my hotel room. It's hard - just one trigger after another. And it's all me. When I leave my room I'm not focusing on the attention I may or may not be getting. My real struggle is my room, the luxury of it, the balcony, the view. It reminds me of hotel rooms from past trips, with a man I had an affair with. It also reminds me of all the other conferences where I wouldn't act out with others, but would with myself.
I surrender this lust! I surrender this euphoric recall! Me, my sexaholism and affairs are the things putting my family in the worst place right now. I am asking God to remind me of the truth about why I'm here, why I am in my room, and why I am hanging out with colleagues at the conference (or why they are hanging out with me). I am also asking God to take the lust away and help me get through this night. Tomorrow morning I will pray to him again to help me get through tomorrow. Going to say the serenity prayer and then go to sleep.