I was exposed to pornography at an early age and lived in a household where pretty and submissive were rewarded with love and attention. I imagined that looking like a sex object would lead me to a real connection but all I found were relationships without intimacy or affairs with men who viewed me only as a sex object. I also sexualized every relationship or friendship; more often than not they turned sour. I've been in SA recovery for six months now and strive for a healthier outlook on life. I want a healthy marriage and friendships.
I'm still fairly new to the program and constantly oscillate between wanting to dress in tight clothes to show off my body and feeling like I should look modest so I don't get leered at. It's a daily struggle each morning.