My reaction to triggers

Just the other day, I went to a restaurant that I frequent, expecting it to be a safe place.  So point 1, I was avoiding the near occasion of sin, as my mother used to say.  I didn't deliberatedly go to a lust-filled place.  An early inventory of mine had shown me the places I could no longer frequent. 

There was a trigger!  Point 2, I recognized the encounter as dangerous: my eyes glanced, my heart started to race, my soul leaped for joy, that stupid grin appeared on my face, sweat started to form on the palms of my hands, etc.  I recognize my reaction to the triggers. 

Point 3, I looked away...  As she spoke to me, I stared at the menu even though everyone there, other waitresses, other regular diners, even the owner, knew that I always get the lunch buffett.  But I stared down and said to myself, "Please let me notice something else".  As stupid as it sounds I just kept on saying that, until it became a prayer, "Please let me notice something else!"  

I guess that was a surrender of sorts... Point 4 - Surrender...  because when I looked back up at her standing there, the only thing I saw was a tattoo on her arm.  I don't really like tattoos like that one, so I focused on it.  Not literally, but mentally.  I began to think about the tattoo and how I wouldn't have one like that...

Point 5 - God took over...  It sort of it hit me...  "No one cares what I think of her tattoo  It is hers!"  She got it for a reason and that reason wasn't to please me! 

Point 6 - I accepted the message that my Higher Power was trying to teach me...  I had a right to look, but I surrendered it and my HP rewarded me with further insight into me!  Intimacy - "Into Me See"  It was her body!  NOT mine!  If she wanted to work out, groom, wear all black tight clothing, and get a tattoo then it was her body... not mine.  I had no right to use her body for my own pleasure, it was hers but for me to "take" it in (lustfully) visually or physically is wrong.  Period. What I do in my own mind can be just as dangerous taking it all in physically. That might seem a bit extreme, but my extreme cumpulsions are what got me here and I might have to accept some extreme examples from my Higher Power to get me out of here.