Lust confuses

Some days I'm so disgusted with myself for the things that I've done - decisions I've made in my past and present. I hate who I am because of my addiction. I feel unworthy of forgiveness, mercy, love, peace of mind. 

And then there are days, like today, when I think, "This is just who I am and I should be okay with it. I'm an individual with a large sexual appetite and that's something that should be embraced. Seeking sobriety is just a way of conforming to society". 

But actually, days like to today make me realize that I'm just scared. Scared that I'll never be sober and I will have to accept the fact that I'll never be "normal". Days like today, I let the enemy speak for me because I'm too afraid to fight back. 

I'm desperate.