I really began to work the SA program with a sponsor just two weeks ago. Before then, I had never lived without lust. I'd had a few "sober" periods but always still drinking "safe" lust drinks - those thoughts which, though not explicitly sexual or even not sexual at all, still fed my addiction, took away my serenity and led me to acting out sooner or later.
Living with so little lusting, as I am currently, is very difficult and also scary at times. It's something new for me - I've never know such a life. A few days ago, I was falling asleep in bed when I felt both a strong temptation to act out and a sadness that I wasn't lusting or acting out. I also felt fear of not resorting to lust or acting out any more. How am I supposed to survive? How can I possibly live without my drug until the end of my life?
Fortunately, an insight was given to me at that moment. I recalled one of the SA great slogans - One day at a time. I began to calm down, realizing there was only one hour left of that day and that was all I needed to be concerned about. To stay sober for that one hour seemed possible and a lot easier.
If I start contemplating how I can live without lusting and acting out for a long time, I am very easily overwhelmed by hopelessness. That's why I need to stay focused on today, today's sobriety and my HP's plans for today for me.