In my old life more was better. In recovery it turns out that less is better. In my own case that eventually meant dropping all my old "props": therapies, religious ideas, fancy home life, bank accounts, cushy life-style, certain friends and even family members.... in order to sober up and meet my HP inside (where He always was and is and always will be, except that I personally always had so much else going on that I could not hear Him..).

Giving myself to this program means: no holds barred, no reservations, no more yeah-buts... In the early days of recovery, at each of my successive bottoms, I would experience deep depression. Each time, I thought I was dying. And was so grateful to be given my life back so I could start (it invariably turned out) on yet another cycle of acting out... 

Today I see those successive bottoms as the most blessed times of my life... the times when I came closest to "really giving myself to this program". Today I am sick and tired of that cycle of acting out, bottoming-out and starting over. Today I am deliberately choosing to stay "bottomed out". It is a much safer place for me to be. I now know who I am: a sexaholic and lust drunk, whose primary purpose is to carry the message that recovery from this addiction really is possible because today I am living it.  Humbly and peacefully (most of the time thank God), I am present to my closest family and closest friends, free from fear of all kinds, convinced that it has all been worth it....