Less is better

In my old life more was better. In recovery it turns out that less is better. In my own case that eventually meant dropping all my old "props": therapies, religious ideas, fancy home life, bank accounts, cushy life-style, certain friends and even family members.... in order to sober up and meet my HP inside (where He always was and is and always will be, except that I personally always had so much else going on that I could not hear Him..).

Giving myself to this program means: no holds barred, no reservations, no more yeah-buts... In the early days of recovery, at each of my successive bottoms, I would experience deep depression. Each time, I thought I was dying. And was so grateful to be given my life back so I could start (it invariably turned out) on yet another cycle of acting out... 

Today I see those successive bottoms as the most blessed times of my life... the times when I came closest to "really giving myself to this program". Today I am sick and tired of that cycle of acting out, bottoming-out and starting over. Today I am deliberately choosing to stay "bottomed out". It is a much safer place for me to be. I now know who I am: a sexaholic and lust drunk, whose primary purpose is to carry the message that recovery from this addiction really is possible because today I am living it.  Humbly and peacefully (most of the time thank God), I am present to my closest family and closest friends, free from fear of all kinds, convinced that it has all been worth it....