Leaning into the programme

This morning during prayer I found myself in an unfamiliar place. I felt a lot of resistance whilst praying the Third Step Prayer. For a moment, I thought that if I didn't pray it God wouldn't know about my disturbance.

Sometimes I feel shame about not only my thoughts, but my actions. Not only do I want to hide them from other people, but I don't want my Higher Power to know about them either. I guess I put a lot of value on being perfect.

So, rather than avoid the situation, I completed the Third Step Prayer and spoke to my Higher Power about my resistance. I explained that I wasn't sure where it was coming from. I asked Him to help me with my resistance. At that moment, I could hear my sponsor say, "Lean into the programme whenever you feel resistance".

So, this is me leaning into the SA programme and admitting that I'm a human being and that I'm perfectly imperfect. I have doubts sometimes about my Higher Power and this recovery programme. My doubts are often just momentary. With that in mind, when I feel resistance and my heart is not into recovery, I will rely on the old motto, "bring the body and the mind will follow!"