I will always need God's help

I have learned that if something comes between me and God, then I will focus on that thing, whatever it may be. Whenever that happens, I enter a zone where I'm exposed to lust and the smallest trigger, even a memory, can set off the lust in me. My next step will be to look at porn or something worse. So I have to run to God in prayer. I have no other escape. 

The good news is that God has saved my marriage - we are still together after 11 years. I am learning to let go of lust,  anger and anything else that wants to be first in my life. My wife is still hurt and often avoids me but we are still together and I can still watch my children grow up. My daughter is really helping me to see that women are not objects to be lusted after.

It sounds a little weird but I believe that I should not lust after my own wife. "But you are married" someone might say. Yes, I am married, but God has not given me this woman to be my sex slave. When I'm viewing my wife as a toy,  I'm back in my lust addiction. Then I'm not free, because it will only be a matter of time before I'll continue where I left off - back in the porn.

Today, I am sober but I'm still an addict and I still lust, even though I don't always act out.  I still need help and I probably always will, unless one day God miraculously takes my lust addiction.