I stopped living in fear of being alone or of acting out

In my full-scale acting out days, any talk from my wife about traveling away from home immediately triggered my sexaholic mind into lust and a whole lot of obsessive thinking about how great it was going to be to "freely" act out without fear of being caught. (Incidentally, there is only slavery in my acting out, but that's another story.) I would spend an unbelievable number of hours over the next few weeks obsessively planning how I was going to act out, living in a world of fantasy that whole time. Of course all of that lust induced high was pretty much over within the first few hours of the binge after she left, and I was left feeling ashamed of myself and nauseated at what I had done.

In the early stages of my current sobriety and recovery, that changed, but it wasn't all good. Upon hearing about a trip she was going to take, I'd immediately go into panic. "Oh no, how am I going to stay sober if I'm alone in the house for all those days?" I wanted to stay sober, but I still had fear because my sobriety was still something I thought I had to control myself.

Somewhere along the path, I was confronted with the reality that I was so powerless over lust, that my attempts to fight and control it or struggle with it were doomed to failure (eventually). I had no assurance I was going to stay sober once my wife was gone, since I still had to conjure up the power to do something about it myself, even though I was powerless. It simply wouldn't work, and I had no peace because I had no assurance.

But then, the full acceptance of my powerlessness finally sunk in. And when it did, the acceptance of God as a power outside of myself, and greater than me and my lust, began to take root. And when that happened, and when I finally became willing to stop struggling and just surrendered to Him, I stopped living in fear of being alone or of acting out. 

God is with me, and God can and will keep me sober. I just trust and surrender, and He takes care of my sobriety.