I have to be told

Our group read from the AA Big Book last night. The first three paragraphs of Chapter 3 "More About Alcoholism" are packed full of those critical, "I have to be told", messages of our SA program. All I have to do is replace "alcohol" and "drinking" with "lust" and "lusting", and it describes my experience exactly.

I have to be told:

"We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were sexaholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed."

  • ​I had to be told that I had to fully concede in my innermost being that I am a sexaholic (i.e. that I am not just some really great guy who has just a bit of a struggle with lust).
  • I had to be told that my thinking was delusional.
  • I had to be told and told and told again that I was not like other people.
  • I had to be told that I was never going to be like other people.
  • I had to be told that my delusional thinking had to be completely "smashed" (i.e. completely obliterated).

And all of that is in just one short paragraph!

Unfortunately for me, I wasn't willing to really LISTEN to what I was being told, and I spent years messing around on the edges of the program because I would not really do what needed to be done (i.e. surrender to working the Steps under the direction of a sponsor). That was not until the pain of the cumulative failures I experienced because I refused to accept the truth finally became unbearable. I could no longer deny that I really was just another sex drunk like all these other people in this program... that if I would simply accept the truth I was being told, I would finally be ready to "take certain steps" that would lead to a "happy and joyous freedom I could otherwise never know."